Dating and the Bull shit detector.

A recent date lead me to believe I am through with dating.

 Don’t get me wrong it was a great date.

The guy was a charmer, a perfect gentleman and held my interest in more ways than one. But the time and energy it took out of me makes me want to continue my life as a single mom. My evenings usually consist of making dinner for my son and I, having bath time then bed time then me time. Do I risk the life I’ve become so accustomed to for the life I so secretly crave?

SINGLE is and always seemed to be a temporary for me. Dating on the other hand I haven’t done serious enough since my son was born. In the beginning I thought I’d be a single mom for a year or so then I’d meet this fabulous man, fall in love, he’d love my son as his own and then we’d walk off into the sunset and work on extending our cute little blended family.

 Newsflash, it didn’t quite work out that way.

I did think I came close once. I met this fab man who had himself grown up with a step dad since the age of 2, JACKPOT. 

Turns out he was just not there altogether and I was back to square one.

Fast forward 4 years later, I am an independent, self sufficient single mom who hasn’t really dated at all but more importantly has become more of a woman in her own right.

          I do it all.

When I think of “dates” I’ve been on in the past 4 years I can count them on one hand. I’m the type that does not pursue but rather succumbs to the pursuer if the interest is there. 

So back to this one date, I had an amazing time but I also realized how much I have changed since the last time I’ve dated as well as how much the dating game has.

There I was sitting across from a man that I seemed completely interested in and wanted to know everything about. In the days to follow we kept in touch and even had a second date. Communication was there almost daily and I seemed to be loving it. To my surprise things came to a screeching halt within 2-3 months and I was not as irritated by it as I thought I’d be.

The adult independent me didn’t care. Life goes on, right?

For the most part, the woman I had become did not care to deal with bs. 

Honesty had become a trait of this woman, and she gained a bull shit detector.

Back to me and my life as a single mom, this meant not losing sleep, guilt over leaving my kid with a sitter while I went on a date, and not having someone on my mind. Simple.

In my somewhat twisted mind I was relieved. Screw it.

It’s like a weight was lifted.

The truth is I did like him. I did like text messages and calls from someone other than my mom and my sister. I also liked that he was kind of a secret. One thing I’ve learned as a single mom is to keep my dating life guarded. Everyone is waiting to see me settle or date or bring someone other than a girl friend around.  It honestly can’t happen, the explanation of what happened if it did not work requires way too much energy. So secrets are good in that aspect.

I liked the attention. I liked him as a person. I liked his conversation and support.

But I am guarded.

I have had this conversation with girlfriends time and time again, I am going to need one hell of a man to fill the void I have already managed to fill on my own.

And my detector lets me know whether or not I care enough to deal with someone that is not serious about  me.

The fact that I have this bull shit detector will weed out a lot of phonies, but the possibility of it eliminating one of the good ones is a chance I'll just have to take.