So since last year I really have gone through A LOT. This post is really special to me since although I have already opened up by deciding to write about my experiences, this makes it even that more personal.
When two people are married there seems to be a type of security in your life. You feel like you can never go alone or without shall I say. When you have children, there's more help and the possibility of being together forever increases, but even those "happy endings" do not always exist. In my case I didn't sign a marriage certificate nor did I get married but it does not mean my relationship was destined to be doomed from the start. I have always been a single mom. From the moment I saw the plus sign my "partner" did not agree with my decision to have my son. Of course things change along the road but the point is that I choose this life and all that comes with it. Never in a gazillion years would I have thought I would have to fight for my boy.
Throughout his first year, his father was gone. He joined the military and was sent away until around his first birthday. When he returned he came around a few times usually in the evenings when my boy was ready for bed, and never visited on the weekends. When he decided that he wanted to come around more often he wanted to pick my son up from the sitter. I was totally against this. My disagreement came from him not knowing or ever spending time alone with my son. He was about a little over a year, so I suggested he come around more often and visit with him and get to know him and then by all means yes he could pick him up. This caused a halt in the financial support he had been providing and led the court to intervene, and in turn he petitioned me for visitation.
It started out with supervised visits. In the beginning the magistrate that was assigned to our case was very understanding of the situation. She ordered supervised visits in which I was to stay with my son while he visited with his father every Saturday and Sunday for a few hours. The very next court date, he somehow managed to get a lawyer and he was given unsupervised visits.
I was hysterical.
In the courtroom my emotions were shown and I was told to stop the melodrama. I simply could not allow my son to go with this stranger he didn’t know, a man who had never changed a diaper nor had the slightest clue as what to do with a baby. So I did what any mother would do, I packed up my son every day of the court ordered scheduled visit and we went somewhere fun for that duration of the day. Of course in my heart I knew it was not right, but I also was not comfortable with my son being in the hands of an inexperienced person at such a young age.
The follow up court date I asked for a lawyer and got one. Soon after I allowed my son to go with his father unsupervised and prayed that he would be ok. On several occasions he came with a soiled diaper, one I distinctly remember was on a cold winter evening, he was soaked through his diaper, thermal pants and jeans. Again I was furious but had to hold my case and build it for the next court date. This led me to stronger oppose my son going with his father overnight.
The final court date I am speaking to my lawyer and going over all the incidents that had occurred over the past visitations and his lawyer comes over. Turns out he has decided he only wants one day a weekend from 10am-7pm. A little relieved but also floored at how unparentlike his decision was, I agree. After numerous court dates, adjournments and lawyers involved, it is over.
As of now, he visits with my son the same one day a weekend for the 8 hours he desired. Every weekend it’s the same situation, kicking screaming and crying my son is pried from my arms or I try to assure him he will be ok and tell him a little white lie that mommy is going too. I have become a little better at hiding my hurt as he leaves but it’s partly because I know that I need my time away from him since I continue to be this single mom taking on more than half of the responsibility of raising MY son.
