In need of some support....

Raising a child has never been a cakewalk and the adolescent years can definitely try your patience. Personally the most difficult thing I've ever had to encounter is parenting a teen facing mental illness.Since her birth in 1998 I have assisted my mother with           co-parenting my younger sister, "AJ".

Even as a little kid my sister's behaviors have always been a little "out there" with her extended temper tantrums and/or outbursts towards the family. My mom and I didn't realize what we had on our hands until she started acting out violently against her classmates in school. Her teachers suggested she had ADD/ADHD based on her disconnect while in the classroom but I wasn't too sure given the behaviors I had witnessed in the home. In 2009 after much prodding on my end the school district and her pediatrician finally conducted a series of evaluations which resulted in her being diagnosed with mood disorders. In less than a year that diagnosis was changed to bipolar and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and then to bipolar schizophrenia, PTSD and depression in 2011.

I am not sure whether having a "label" attached to her helped or hindered us. Over the years I've worked with hundred of kids and have come across many different diagnosis and behaviors but nothing quite prepares you for when it is your child. No matter how hands-on you are in your professional field nothing prepares you for your flesh and blood screaming obscenities at you, launching lamps and other items at your head, and/or charging at you full force.

We have plenty of days when we can manage peacefully, but there's a greater amount of days when we can't tell which way is up. There are so many moments when my mother and I feel completely alone as no one else in the family truly understands my sister's illness or, quite frankly, don't care to be bothered. I'm not sure where this journey will lead us but I am not ashamed to admit that I am seriously afraid and in need of some support.

TSJ

Guest blogger TSJ is a STRONG woman. She is a mother figure for her own sister and a great source of support to her mother. An editor, literary analyst and self proclaimed bibliophile, are among many victories she has achieved thus far.

He left me to raise HIS son...

He left me to raise HIS son... I will say that again. He left me to raise HIS son.

Now yes, I know it is our son and this child is just as much my son as it is his. BUT I say HIS because it is HIS responsibility to raise his son to be a man. Not me a woman and NOT another man but the man who created him. It is his responsibility to teach him how to grow up from a boy to a man. As single mothers many of us try to ease the blow of raising a child on our own by constantly telling ourselves if we do more by over compensating and pushing ourselves we can be both mother and father... but the reality is we can't!

It is scientific fact that a child grows up to be a better and more efficient contributor to society if they come from a home with both parents. Now this is not to say I won't move heaven and hell to make sure my boy is well rounded but unless his father comes around I am sure there are certain things I am going to struggle with. That is a fact that I have no problem acknowledging and accepting. Things like potty training. Ok. It isn't that bad nor the end of the world, but just like I needed my mom to teach me about a young girl's/woman's body, he will need his father. And I highly doubt he will want to discuss wet dreams with me. Now I will try my best to have open communication with him where he can come to me about anything but I highly doubt he will. I remember when I got my first menstrual cycle and I was with my dad. I was sssoooo embarrassed to tell him and couldn't wait to get home for my mom to walk me through it. It was something about the familiarity of my own sex that helped and I am sure that is the case for others. Just like there are life lessons only a mother can teach, there are those only a father/man can as well.

So in closing, I raise my boy the best way a woman can. I try not to be overzealous because I know it is not that I am falling short but rather I am doing the best one person can do while doing a two person job!

CSR

Guest blogger CSR is an amazing single mother of two boys and a successful independent business owner. 

Ughhh yet another Valentine’s Day

Ever since I became a mom, almost 3 years ago, (not counting being prego) I have not had a Valentine over the age of 2.

Yes, very sweet but also lonely.

This year I decided to make it an awesome occupied fun day with me and the little man.

                                                                                                                                                                           It started off with a bribe that went something like this:

Me: Hey Aur do you want to be my Valentine?

My Valentine: No mommy, no Valentine!

Me: Ok are you sure?  Cuz you will get to eat chocolate….

My Valentine: Yes mommy, I want chocolate!

Me: So do you want to be my Valentine???

My Valentine: I want chocolate.

Me: Ok good enough.

After bribe#1 scored me a Valentine, with bribe #2 I managed to get an empty plate for breakfast and lunch, if only I could get everything I wanted with the promise of chocolate.

Laundry was first on the list of Vday fun….lucky for me my Valentine loves doing laundry.

He is obsessed with the gum ball machine and of course tries to get only purple gum balls.

This time he bugged for more quarters than usual, after giving him 2 dollars I was at my limit.

Of course being the little boy that he is, he pulls his own dollar out of his coat pocket and asks me for change.

One thing about this little boy is Valentine or not he always makes sure, no matter what it is, that he gets “mommy one”.

After using most of his change for gum he decides to use a different machine and got a cute little ring for himself. He then insists on getting me one, but all I could think was him losing his quarter and being upset because he couldn’t get me one. But to my surprise he did…………………………

….and I couldn’t have been a happier mommy.

The day I kinda sorta dreaded really did turn out to be ok.

We spent the rest of the day at a routine checkup for him followed by a please don’t cry when they give you this shot and I will buy you a toy bribe, and then back home for his valentine day chocolates.

All in all the best darn Vday a single mommy could ask for!

  

in love

Have you ever just loved something so much you thought your heart would burst right out from your chest?

That’s how I feel about my little boy.
He's one amazing little boy.

I am aware that people may say I am a crazy obsessed wacko mom after they read this and I agree, but I am totally in love with being this little boy’s mother.

I don’t know whether it is being a single mom that makes me feel this way. I have him all to myself, except for those eight hours a week he goes with his father. I get to wake up to his silly face pushing me out of my bed asking for his morning milk. I get to watch him try to convince me that should brush his teeth instead of me doing it. I get to watch him be a rock star in training and go back and forth between playing the drums, and singing into the mic, then picking up his guitar right before he picks up his keyboard then right back to the drums.
I get to hear the crazy stories he tells, some of what may still take a few times before I can fully understand. I get to see his excited face when he discovers his motorized Percy the train not only moves on the track but can move along the bare floor down the hall. As he runs from Percy I get to watch him and just be his mommy.

From the moment he was born it has been "just us", and I have grown somewhat used to that.
I think there something about a single parent that allows us to enjoy our children more since we are the sole parent on a day to day basis.
Sometimes I watch him as he sleeps, of course when he catches me in my day dreams when he's awake he yells" stop looking me", so from time to time I have to sneak my little stares in when he isn’t looking.

I miss him when he's gone and can't wait until he's back in my arms again.
Sometimes I think in the back of my mind I knew I was born to be a parent since I always did want kids, but I definitely knew I was born to be this little boy’s mommy.