He left me to raise HIS son...

He left me to raise HIS son... I will say that again. He left me to raise HIS son.

Now yes, I know it is our son and this child is just as much my son as it is his. BUT I say HIS because it is HIS responsibility to raise his son to be a man. Not me a woman and NOT another man but the man who created him. It is his responsibility to teach him how to grow up from a boy to a man. As single mothers many of us try to ease the blow of raising a child on our own by constantly telling ourselves if we do more by over compensating and pushing ourselves we can be both mother and father... but the reality is we can't!

It is scientific fact that a child grows up to be a better and more efficient contributor to society if they come from a home with both parents. Now this is not to say I won't move heaven and hell to make sure my boy is well rounded but unless his father comes around I am sure there are certain things I am going to struggle with. That is a fact that I have no problem acknowledging and accepting. Things like potty training. Ok. It isn't that bad nor the end of the world, but just like I needed my mom to teach me about a young girl's/woman's body, he will need his father. And I highly doubt he will want to discuss wet dreams with me. Now I will try my best to have open communication with him where he can come to me about anything but I highly doubt he will. I remember when I got my first menstrual cycle and I was with my dad. I was sssoooo embarrassed to tell him and couldn't wait to get home for my mom to walk me through it. It was something about the familiarity of my own sex that helped and I am sure that is the case for others. Just like there are life lessons only a mother can teach, there are those only a father/man can as well.

So in closing, I raise my boy the best way a woman can. I try not to be overzealous because I know it is not that I am falling short but rather I am doing the best one person can do while doing a two person job!

CSR

Guest blogger CSR is an amazing single mother of two boys and a successful independent business owner. 

Ughhh yet another Valentine’s Day

Ever since I became a mom, almost 3 years ago, (not counting being prego) I have not had a Valentine over the age of 2.

Yes, very sweet but also lonely.

This year I decided to make it an awesome occupied fun day with me and the little man.

                                                                                                                                                                           It started off with a bribe that went something like this:

Me: Hey Aur do you want to be my Valentine?

My Valentine: No mommy, no Valentine!

Me: Ok are you sure?  Cuz you will get to eat chocolate….

My Valentine: Yes mommy, I want chocolate!

Me: So do you want to be my Valentine???

My Valentine: I want chocolate.

Me: Ok good enough.

After bribe#1 scored me a Valentine, with bribe #2 I managed to get an empty plate for breakfast and lunch, if only I could get everything I wanted with the promise of chocolate.

Laundry was first on the list of Vday fun….lucky for me my Valentine loves doing laundry.

He is obsessed with the gum ball machine and of course tries to get only purple gum balls.

This time he bugged for more quarters than usual, after giving him 2 dollars I was at my limit.

Of course being the little boy that he is, he pulls his own dollar out of his coat pocket and asks me for change.

One thing about this little boy is Valentine or not he always makes sure, no matter what it is, that he gets “mommy one”.

After using most of his change for gum he decides to use a different machine and got a cute little ring for himself. He then insists on getting me one, but all I could think was him losing his quarter and being upset because he couldn’t get me one. But to my surprise he did…………………………

….and I couldn’t have been a happier mommy.

The day I kinda sorta dreaded really did turn out to be ok.

We spent the rest of the day at a routine checkup for him followed by a please don’t cry when they give you this shot and I will buy you a toy bribe, and then back home for his valentine day chocolates.

All in all the best darn Vday a single mommy could ask for!

  

in love

Have you ever just loved something so much you thought your heart would burst right out from your chest?

That’s how I feel about my little boy.
He's one amazing little boy.

I am aware that people may say I am a crazy obsessed wacko mom after they read this and I agree, but I am totally in love with being this little boy’s mother.

I don’t know whether it is being a single mom that makes me feel this way. I have him all to myself, except for those eight hours a week he goes with his father. I get to wake up to his silly face pushing me out of my bed asking for his morning milk. I get to watch him try to convince me that should brush his teeth instead of me doing it. I get to watch him be a rock star in training and go back and forth between playing the drums, and singing into the mic, then picking up his guitar right before he picks up his keyboard then right back to the drums.
I get to hear the crazy stories he tells, some of what may still take a few times before I can fully understand. I get to see his excited face when he discovers his motorized Percy the train not only moves on the track but can move along the bare floor down the hall. As he runs from Percy I get to watch him and just be his mommy.

From the moment he was born it has been "just us", and I have grown somewhat used to that.
I think there something about a single parent that allows us to enjoy our children more since we are the sole parent on a day to day basis.
Sometimes I watch him as he sleeps, of course when he catches me in my day dreams when he's awake he yells" stop looking me", so from time to time I have to sneak my little stares in when he isn’t looking.

I miss him when he's gone and can't wait until he's back in my arms again.
Sometimes I think in the back of my mind I knew I was born to be a parent since I always did want kids, but I definitely knew I was born to be this little boy’s mommy.

And it was so ordered.....

So since last year I really have gone through A LOT. This post is really special to me since although I have already opened up by deciding to write about my experiences, this makes it even that more personal.

When two people are married there seems to be a type of security in your life. You feel like you can never go alone or without shall I say. When you have children, there's more help and the possibility of being together forever increases, but even those "happy endings" do not always exist. In my case I didn't sign a marriage certificate nor did I get married but it does not mean my relationship was destined to be doomed from the start. I have always been a single mom. From the moment I saw the plus sign my "partner" did not agree with my decision to have my son. Of course things change along the road but the point is that I choose this life and all that comes with it. Never in a gazillion years would I have thought I would have to fight for my boy.

Throughout his first year, his father was gone. He joined the military and was sent away until around his first birthday. When he returned he came around a few times usually in the evenings when my boy was ready for bed, and never visited on the weekends. When he decided that he wanted to come around more often he wanted to pick my son up from the sitter. I was totally against this. My disagreement came from him not knowing or ever spending time alone with my son. He was about a little over a year, so I suggested he come around more often and visit with him and get to know him and then by all means yes he could pick him up. This caused a halt in the financial support he had been providing and led the court to intervene, and in turn he petitioned me for visitation.

It started out with supervised visits. In the beginning the magistrate that was assigned to our case was very understanding of the situation. She ordered supervised visits in which I was to stay with my son while he visited with his father every Saturday and Sunday for a few hours. The very next court date, he somehow managed to get a lawyer and he was given unsupervised visits.

I was hysterical.

In the courtroom my emotions were shown and I was told to stop the melodrama. I simply could not allow my son to go with this stranger he didn’t know, a man who had never changed a diaper nor had the slightest clue as what to do with a baby. So I did what any mother would do, I packed up my son every day of the court ordered scheduled visit and we went somewhere fun for that duration of the day. Of course in my heart I knew it was not right, but I also was not comfortable with my son being in the hands of an inexperienced person at such a young age.

The follow up court date I asked for a lawyer and got one. Soon after I allowed my son to go with his father unsupervised and prayed that he would be ok. On several occasions he came with a soiled diaper, one I distinctly remember was on a cold winter evening, he was soaked through his diaper, thermal pants and jeans. Again I was furious but had to hold my case and build it for the next court date. This led me to stronger oppose my son going with his father overnight.

The final court date I am speaking to my lawyer and going over all the incidents that had occurred over the past visitations and his lawyer comes over. Turns out he has decided he only wants one day a weekend from 10am-7pm. A little relieved but also floored at how unparentlike his decision was, I agree. After numerous court dates, adjournments and lawyers involved, it is over.

As of now, he visits with my son the same one day a weekend for the 8 hours he desired. Every weekend it’s the same situation, kicking screaming and crying my son is pried from my arms or I try to assure him he will be ok and tell him a little white lie that mommy is going too. I have become a little better at hiding my hurt as he leaves but it’s partly because I know that I need my time away from him since I continue to be this single mom taking on more than half of the responsibility of raising MY son.

2 years strong and counting

I'm proud of myself, 2 years on my own and I have accomplished so much.
Yes, I’ve had to depend on family a little but for the most part I have been on my own.
Raising my little man all by myself.
How do you know you're raising a child right…well, he does say "pease" and "tank u" but how will I know that's enough.
He reaches out to mom-mee for so much, for EVERYTHING..after all I'm all he's got, been here since day one.

And I'm not going anywhere.

more to come

When I started this it was supposed to be a more frequent thing. Looking back at the archive list on my page it sux that I have only written one post this year. Yes and here comes December strolling along, so sad. I guess mommy-hood has got me caught up or the fact that my college days of procrastination are still in me. I do plan to write more I promise. I am still juggling being a mom period let alone with the word single in front of it. A lot has happened and I keep it all in my head. It sure does have a lot to do with raising my boy on my own. I find I have no time for anything anymore. I recently vowed to make time, more time for everything, family,friends, me time and especially more time for little me and my pet family!
Stay tuned for more.....

I dont know why but I just do....

I have a very special place in my life for my ex...dont know whether this is good or bad. Of course or at least at the moment I think he will always have a special place in my heart. I went through it. I couldn't stand him and I said I hated him. These things may still be true but I think I am in such a different place in my life that I hardly even care anymore. So lately we have been speaking on a daily basis again, for those of you that do not know this, he is a marine and was deployed out of state. For the most part this didn't affect me since we were already over before he left but I did want him to be a part of my little boys life.
A little history...he has always been about other ppl, whenever it concerned someone else it was his priority...so now going through so many changes right, becoming a dad, experience in the marines and away from home....you think the dumbass would change??? NOPE
Its really funny in a way...everyone including his parents said he would change..whats funny is I was the biggest skeptic.
He proved me right.
Doesn't come see his son and when he did its it within a 2 week time period and the visit lasted no more than an hour or so.
In a way I still have hope, I know I am a fool to believe it can work. I look at him sometimes and I miss the way we were. I miss his touch, his laugh, the way he looked after me...dont get me wrong there were bad times hence the breakup...but I do love him, I think.
I can't stand him, but part of me wants him...I dont know why but I just do...