I dont know why but I just do....

I have a very special place in my life for my ex...dont know whether this is good or bad. Of course or at least at the moment I think he will always have a special place in my heart. I went through it. I couldn't stand him and I said I hated him. These things may still be true but I think I am in such a different place in my life that I hardly even care anymore. So lately we have been speaking on a daily basis again, for those of you that do not know this, he is a marine and was deployed out of state. For the most part this didn't affect me since we were already over before he left but I did want him to be a part of my little boys life.
A little history...he has always been about other ppl, whenever it concerned someone else it was his priority...so now going through so many changes right, becoming a dad, experience in the marines and away from home....you think the dumbass would change??? NOPE
Its really funny in a way...everyone including his parents said he would change..whats funny is I was the biggest skeptic.
He proved me right.
Doesn't come see his son and when he did its it within a 2 week time period and the visit lasted no more than an hour or so.
In a way I still have hope, I know I am a fool to believe it can work. I look at him sometimes and I miss the way we were. I miss his touch, his laugh, the way he looked after me...dont get me wrong there were bad times hence the breakup...but I do love him, I think.
I can't stand him, but part of me wants him...I dont know why but I just do...

The last day of the year....

Here we are 2010!! I can hardly believe it. So many changes have taken place this year. God has blessed me so good and although rough times and struggles are still ahead I know that he will continue to bless me. This will definitely be my year. To all my single mommys, when the days seem too short yet the weeks seem too long and you wish you had just 1 more arm to help carry you're ever growing bundle of joy up those stairs....just stop, take a breath and thank God...know that we are all out here and in this together!