family dynamic

I always thought it would be my own thoughts, views, beliefs and opinions that would be the source of my sons teaching.
Speaking with other parents and understanding different views on family dynamic did not change my opinion that opposed the idea that school aged children are subjected to uncontrollable views.
Pre Kindergarten is such a ripe age for education.
Physical activity is huge while teaching lessons also extremely valuable.
When we started receiving homework assignments, I was very excited.
It gave me a look inside what the actual learning was and the lessons that were being taught in class. I was eager to aid in his learning.
The first assignment was coloring and tracing shapes and the letter S.
The second was about family.
I hesitated.
The remembered a good friend of mine going through a similar exercise in a doctors office.
Her son was asked by the doctor to draw his family.
He drew his mom, he drew his brother, and he drew himself.
The doctor asked about his father and then the conversation started to flow.
Imagine my fear.
A fear I have yet to confront.
An explanation I have yet to give my little monster, who is growing at the speed of a very well planted seed.
An absent father who has yet to appear.
As we completed the homework assignment, I read the instructions aloud, prepared to explain the plethora of blended families there are, but I didn't have to.
 
"Draw your family in the house, do you know who is part of your family?''
 Yes Mommy.
 "mommy, me, Jakey (cousin), grandma, Chris(step grandpa) and auntie''

I breathed a sigh if relief.

He seemed happy.
He drew smiles on everyone.
He drew hair. 
And he wrote the names of each person as I told him.

Never mentioning, questioning, or simply including his father.
Should I have?

Part of me thought I should say, what about Papi?
If that door of memory is slowly closing, why should I stick my foot in and hold it open.

The other part of me quietly shouted, YES!!!!!

Selfish? maybe.
But hoping that I may not have to deal with this much longer and he's forgetting his father on his own by his fathers own doing.
Yet another ounce of me thinks I should have a conversation with him and honestly tell him I don't know what happened to his father.

Fear wins.

His family dynamic consists of so much love that he had to draw people outside of the house and that is explanation enough for me.

He left me to raise HIS son...

He left me to raise HIS son... I will say that again. He left me to raise HIS son.

Now yes, I know it is our son and this child is just as much my son as it is his. BUT I say HIS because it is HIS responsibility to raise his son to be a man. Not me a woman and NOT another man but the man who created him. It is his responsibility to teach him how to grow up from a boy to a man. As single mothers many of us try to ease the blow of raising a child on our own by constantly telling ourselves if we do more by over compensating and pushing ourselves we can be both mother and father... but the reality is we can't!

It is scientific fact that a child grows up to be a better and more efficient contributor to society if they come from a home with both parents. Now this is not to say I won't move heaven and hell to make sure my boy is well rounded but unless his father comes around I am sure there are certain things I am going to struggle with. That is a fact that I have no problem acknowledging and accepting. Things like potty training. Ok. It isn't that bad nor the end of the world, but just like I needed my mom to teach me about a young girl's/woman's body, he will need his father. And I highly doubt he will want to discuss wet dreams with me. Now I will try my best to have open communication with him where he can come to me about anything but I highly doubt he will. I remember when I got my first menstrual cycle and I was with my dad. I was sssoooo embarrassed to tell him and couldn't wait to get home for my mom to walk me through it. It was something about the familiarity of my own sex that helped and I am sure that is the case for others. Just like there are life lessons only a mother can teach, there are those only a father/man can as well.

So in closing, I raise my boy the best way a woman can. I try not to be overzealous because I know it is not that I am falling short but rather I am doing the best one person can do while doing a two person job!

CSR

Guest blogger CSR is an amazing single mother of two boys and a successful independent business owner.