Seven is a lucky number.
When I think of the number seven, it's so simple. Childhood is simple.
Yet the past seven years of raising the kid could not have been more complicated. When I used to hear parents vent about how fast their children have grown I kinda eye rolled. It couldn't possibly fly by especially since it's so hard, yet here we are seven years later.
He's seven years old.
Shit.
What the hell happened?
Why did his happen?
There's nothing like a growing child to remind you how quickly time can pass.
I get sad.
I tear up.
The sort of happy cry knowing that I did it.
I can do this shit with my eyes closed. The simultaneous cry knowing things have changed but in reality stayed the same.
Its human nature to put a timeline on life. As children our parents did it to us and they called it "a milestone", as we grew older we did it to ourselves, from preteen to teenage, 18 to party 21 to drink and then 25 rolls around and you're still safe but once 30 does you start to question where the hell all the years went and what did you spend them doing.
I almost immediately gave myself a timeline.
To say I'd meet someone, hit it off, date, travel, cohabitate, possibly marry - or not- have another child is just plain dumb.
Life doesn't work that way.
I guess the entire part of my life changing is correct. It drastically changed. I woke up one day and had a seven year old, at least that's how it feels.
The part of the inevitable change is still happening.
I thought maybe the solo parenting mission part would be different.
All hope was lost with co parenting w the biological but that's an entirely different journey.
Now the happy cry is back.
I look at the kid.
He is amazing.
He is thoughtful.
He is kind.
He likes to share his bagel with me.
He values friendship and family.
He has passions.
He has an imagination.
The way he high fives his teacher at school pick up when he sees me waiting makes my tears happy ones.
And then I ask myself why the fuck are you crying?
You have a good life.
What did I do to deserve such a good life?
Lucky number 7 is a great sign of not wanting things to change for the sake of adapting but the adaptation of the life I have and making it the absolute best.
