New Year, SAME HOPE!

As I embark upon my fifth year on this solo mission called parenting, I reflect.

I think about my pregnancy and it being one of the happiest times in my  life. The tiny person growing inside of me and the miracle I was put in charge of. The simplest things like the best sleep I’ve had in my life and the movement of my curved belly after a generous meal. At the hospital, I panicked.  The pain was overwhelming and realistically unpredictable but the joy shortly after gave me full satisfaction. Returning home to my tiny unprepared apartment made me emotional. Nothing was ready. The new apartment I had moved into at almost 7months pregnant 3 months prior was still not completely unpacked. The first night alone with the tiny human became the first feeding to the first bath, the first tooth, the first walk and the list goes on, and I became better at being a mom.

I even created an alter ego of the person I’d become while in mommy mode multitasking my way through life. Her name is Obstacle Anne. She is a fierce superwoman. From carrying a dozen grocery bags along w a stroller with a sleeping baby strapped in, to shoveling out a Honda buried in snow with a toddler safely warm inside. I’ve owned this character. I became her.

I look back at the struggles and triumphs with laughter and fight back a few tears.

The birthday parties I’ve managed to pull off seem effortless now. Countless last minute details forced me to forget something each year. Our dynamic duo costumes at Halloween have proven to be exceptional. We debuted in Dorothy and the Cowardly Lion complete with our own little black morkie. Jessie and Woody one year, Princess Leia and Darth Vader the next, one crowd favorite was his choice of the Stay Puft Marshmallow man (myself) and he was my little Ghostbuster. This past year our costumes couldn’t have been a better fit. My little superhero has no idea how he has saved me. He chose to be Wolverine, claws and facial hair, plaid and leather, and I did not feel like I had a costume on. A silvery white wig, white contacts and a black cape, of course people got it, but I feel like the person I was dressed as meant so much more to me than any person could tell. We are a team, and as Storm and Wolverine it made me realize how much I depend on the little guy.

 On this journey we have had the pleasure of meeting several amazing people who have impacted our lives.  An art instructor who fell in love with Aurum and his sweet and kind personality; a summer camp teacher with whom we’ve forged  a bond with long after the summer came to an end; and a grandmothers special connection with the little guy that adores her. The people who have crossed out paths lead me to believe that I am doing something terribly right on my solo mission.

Pride overcomes me.

Thus another year has crept up on us, but the same hope remains.

I have conquered much in these past 4 years and as he grows taller, we both grow stronger.

They say it takes a village to raise a child, maybe in our case the village means the many people who have touched us in passing, held a door open, flashed a friendly smile or simply took the time to enjoy a special moment with us, but at the end of the day it will always be JustMommyNme.

in love

Have you ever just loved something so much you thought your heart would burst right out from your chest?

That’s how I feel about my little boy.
He's one amazing little boy.

I am aware that people may say I am a crazy obsessed wacko mom after they read this and I agree, but I am totally in love with being this little boy’s mother.

I don’t know whether it is being a single mom that makes me feel this way. I have him all to myself, except for those eight hours a week he goes with his father. I get to wake up to his silly face pushing me out of my bed asking for his morning milk. I get to watch him try to convince me that should brush his teeth instead of me doing it. I get to watch him be a rock star in training and go back and forth between playing the drums, and singing into the mic, then picking up his guitar right before he picks up his keyboard then right back to the drums.
I get to hear the crazy stories he tells, some of what may still take a few times before I can fully understand. I get to see his excited face when he discovers his motorized Percy the train not only moves on the track but can move along the bare floor down the hall. As he runs from Percy I get to watch him and just be his mommy.

From the moment he was born it has been "just us", and I have grown somewhat used to that.
I think there something about a single parent that allows us to enjoy our children more since we are the sole parent on a day to day basis.
Sometimes I watch him as he sleeps, of course when he catches me in my day dreams when he's awake he yells" stop looking me", so from time to time I have to sneak my little stares in when he isn’t looking.

I miss him when he's gone and can't wait until he's back in my arms again.
Sometimes I think in the back of my mind I knew I was born to be a parent since I always did want kids, but I definitely knew I was born to be this little boy’s mommy.